The weather has finally turned cold. It’s probably -15C and with the wind chill it probably feels closer to -30C which really doesn’t bother me too much as I have the right clothes for it. But as I walked home from work tonight I saw something that sent a chill down my spine about three houses down from where I live. And if you know anything about 19th Toronto style townhouses, you would understand there is less than 75 feet distance from that house to mine.
I saw a rat, a big beast of one too, about a foot long and fat, gnawing away on one of those evil green plastic bins which the Environ-Nazis who run city hall make us use for food wastes. I got Rogue the Predator to deal with the freeloading mice who attempted to take over my home two years ago. Rogue made quick work of the mice and has been doing an outstanding job ever since. No one can ever accuse him of being a slacker but this spawn of Satan may be more than a match for him. And where you will see one out in the front yard, close to the traffic and people in the late afternoon; you can bet there’s more that look just like him.
Now if I was living in a truly civilized place, like say the last homey house on Pleasant Ridge Road in the lower Miramichi I could do what all decent civilized people do when a big ugly fucker of a rat comes into your yard. Send out the Last Amazon out with a shot-gun to blow that sucker to kingdom come.
Of course, I don't live in a decent civilized place populated by sane normal people. Instead, I live in downtown Toronto where they won’t even let you use pesticides to kill weeds on your lawn. Let alone take a shot-gun to a rat. I can hear what some of the sane among you are already thinking - taking a shot-gun to rat is overkill, but I am a huge fan of disproportionate force.
This city so sucks.
7 comments:
A shotgun is also very loud, what you need to do is get a decent pellet gun. They are quiet and are really quite effective. You could practice in your living room or basement without disturbing the neighbors, and I have personally disposed of nuisance insects such as squirrels all the way up to rabbits with one. Most don't require you to own a PAL, it is all dependent on the muzzle velocity....
Thanks Shere, but I like the noise per say. Nothing says kingdom come like a shotgun blast. But even if I sent the Last Amazon (who is an expert marksman by the way) with a pellet gun my neighbors would go into full meltdown - teenage black girl on a major Toronto street with gun, the drug dealers would probably think its the start of a new gang turf war and start firing at her. Really there is nothing for it but to nuke them all.
I have a friend with a very high-velocity (and silenced) pellet gun, who has a sideline in ah, nocturnal pest removal. He usually takes warehouse jobs but I think he'd consider a residence depending on the severity of the infestation.
Thanks Chris, I will definitely keep you in mind. The filthy spawn haven't actually made it to my home but they are at the neighbors. I figure its only a matter of time.
amen to disproportionate force... out here in the politically incorrect sticks if you have predators worrying your livestock, or sombody's rottweiler shows up unannouced to chew on your kids, you grab your pumpgun and deal with it.
we operate by the triple s code... "shoot, shovel and shut the frig up".
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Neo-con, sounds civilized to me.
Ah...northern Ontarian Barbarian here...stuck in East York these days. Haven't seen a rattus yet (of the non-two legged variety), but had to snuff a family of meese. Haven't done that for a long time. Yes, noise and violence is fine, but stepping on their heads is fun too...
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