Living with the Proverbial Bull

I love my oldest son. I truly do. He has many fine outstanding qualities which make him an incredible human being but living with him is like living with a proverbial bull in a china shop. Snow finally descended yesterday morning and the streets were dusted so my young bull and I did not go to the laundry mat until late in the evening. I figured this was the most optimal time for us to go as either the snow would have melted or the streets would be shoveled.

Now my son has been carting the laundry bags every since my washing machine gave up the motor of life last fall. I realize I should not complain as the washing machine lasted a good 12 years longer than any husband I ever had but still…. And I will have saved enough money to buy a new machine come March so it’s only inconvenient for a little while.

I did notice on the way to the laundry mat that he was only wearing his light fall jacket and not his winter coat. A bell went off in my head and I made a mental note to remind him that with snow on the ground and the temperature dropping; it’s not appropriate to wear one’s light fall jacket. It’s strange, I would have thought before I had sons of my own that snow on the ground would be a big "heads up" to wear coat, hats, gloves, scarves, and winter coat, but my sons aren’t hardwired to take into account those kind of hints. You should have seen the get-up Isaiah Sender tried wear before he left the house this morning.

The boys must be explicitly told in no uncertain or ambiguous language exactly what to wear and when to wear it. I would have thought teenagers could make this decision on their own, and certainly the Last Amazon does, but the boys generally just don’t get it. I can hear what most of you are thinking. Let them freeze their little tussie’s off and then they will learn. Nope, tried it and it just didn’t work. I’m probably lucky that I broke before they did. Otherwise their teachers probably would have reported me to children’s aid society for sending them to school without adequate clothes. The problem is; my sons don’t whine or complain about the bad decisions they make. They just suck it up and move on - all the while hoping things turn out better next time.

I have actually been enjoying our sessions at the public laundry mat and in a strange way I will miss seeing them come to an end. Being the mother of many, it’s not often that I get to spend much time alone with any one child. The laundry mat has turned into the ideal place for Montana and I to chat. The other two children are quite happy and content to miss out on going. Besides, Montana is not only horrified with the idea of me going to the neighborhood laundry mat by myself, but he thinks I am incapable of carrying of carrying bags on my own which suits me just fine.

So we are at the laundry mat looking at the window, and I am pointing out all the environmental clues as to why his fall jacket is a poor choice for the day, when this really sheepish expression crosses his face, and announces he has something to tell me. He prefaces these remarks by saying “I am not to be angry or worry about anything” all of which makes my 'zero to psychotic' mummy meter start to vibrate and my right eye twitch. I have been down this road a time or two in the last 14 years and it’s never good.

Apparently, he accidentally ripped the heavy metal gauge zipper off his only coat. Oddly enough, as he struggled to unstick the zipper, he inexplicitly also managed to take off a good chunk of the front panel of his coat as well. Go figure, but it’s all good, because he really doesn’t need a winter coat. He will just wear extra clothes under his fall jacket. Besides school isn’t more than a 20 minute walk from home. And winter can’t last forever and pigs might even well learn to fly one day as evolution is in constant state of flux.

I am not upset that he ruined his winter coat. For years, I budgeted in at least 2 winter coats for Montana, as I know, Montana will just be Montana. He’s gentle on people and tough on his clothes, furniture, appliances, toilet seats etc. But I had thought we have moved pass that stage as it was his second winter with that same coat. When I sit back and think of how many times in the six weeks I have been flush with cash and could have easily bought him a coat I could just kick him for not saying a word. This weekend he watched me purchase a number of appliances and various other household things and he didn’t mention a word about his jacket. I’d rather my son had a new winter coat than I have a new dvd player for the living room or a deep fryer in my kitchen and a half a dozen other little things.

And why didn’t he want to tell me about his coat? Because he didn’t want to throw off the family budget which could potentially cause me to be unduly stressed. Nor did he want the other two to have to go without their little conveniences. It’s true, I don’t have a great deal of money. I live on a very tight budget and I am rather anal about sticking to it. I even try to sock away a little money every month in an RRSP - and not because it’s the best investment deal for my limited funds but because the penalties are so extreme I won’t be tempted to cash it out. I probably cook more than most women because I don’t buy prepared or ready made meals. Thank heaven’s, I grew up in Rosie’s kitchen so I know how cook real food. It can be a bit of a pain as I always end up having to make a special trip to the grocery store and end up lugging home cans whenever the school does a food drive so the children can have something to contribute.

And so he made the decision he could easily suffer the consequences so the rest of us wouldn’t need to. And you know, he’s really sincere about it. This isn’t a made up ploy so he can avoid any kind of retribution or lecture. I haven’t a clue as to what to do with him but am struggling with the urge to drive a stake through his heart right after I take him out shopping for a new coat tonight.

Update:

Last night I just scored the perfect coat. Brand new black downfilled parka, fur lined hood in a man's XL with plenty of pockets. The coat was only $130 but the store was having a sale with 25% off and when I got to the woman on check out duty - the math utterly defeated her. Then I wowed her with the ultimate question; “So what's the cash price?” We settled on $100 and she can settle up with the tax man herself. Between women with inadequate math skills and cash - how could I lose?

But I had to snicker as I took Montana on a tour of two of the largest department stores in Toronto (the Bay and Sears) first. The $440 average price tags were rather an eye opener for him. The cheapest coat we found was $298 with 10% off. And they weren't even very warm coats or coats with hoods. Why men even bother to pay these outrageous prices is simply beyond me. Any man who doesn't tour the Army/Surplus stores for a winter parka is an idiot or a man without a wife.

I also want to thank all those who emailed with offers to help, but this really wasn’t a plea for help. I know he can't help how hard he is in clothes but rather than come out and say he needs something, he will just make up his mind to suck it up and "save" me and/or spare the other two from any alleged hardship...while that's sweet and all, but he is just 14 and my child. I would rather have a live child than a boy who willfully chooses to risk dying from exposure rather than speak up. He doesn't get it. These are not his decisions to make. I am the grown-up! I am suppose to be in charge! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!