In Ontario, pit bull owners must, by law, sterilize their pet. If you can put aside for a moment the raft of issues this raises about breed temperament, owner responsibility and the popularity contest that is politicking, you'll see the sunny side of castration: At least there are Neuticles.
The product, a testicular implant for pets, is the brainchild of Gregg Miller, a man whose mission it is to keep dogs across the globe locked and loaded. From his office in Oak Grove, Mo., he sells four models, starting at about $100 a pair: original, natural, ultra-plus and - new! - with epididymis.
He also peddles a fine selection of Neuticles merchandise (bathrobe, barbecue apron, keychain). And he's considering creating Neuticles chocolates, styled à la Cadbury Creme Egg. "I want to get two in a little carton with Neuticle foil on them," he says.
Although he is happy to play up the comic aspect of his product, he is a man with a serious mission. To Mr. Miller, missing balls are no laughing matter. Speaking of the castration of his own dog, Buck, his voice grows grim. "God, it was horrible," he says with an audible shudder. That trauma was his inspiration for creating Neuticles. His mission? To help dogs reclaim their "God-given" physiques.
A decade later, and with 240,000 sales under his belt (as it were), Mr. Miller is perfectly comfortable talking about things like massaging your pet's scrotum (to prevent scar tissue building up) and the "gooshy-soft" texture of the ultra-plus model.
The rest of the world, however, has some trouble keeping a straight face. Employees of veterinary offices - even ones that have implanted Neuticles at the owner's behest - invariably laugh when asked about the product.
If that's not a guy thing - I don't know what is, and as far as I know, there are no Neuticles available for cats - yet.
3 comments:
Yuck!
What's really yuck is the pet owners who go for bigger balls than their dog had....
I wonder if a pair of Neuticles would help PM Olmert...?
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