This meme dies with me

I got tagged in the weird meme of 4 by the Zerb of all people. Apparently, she thinks I need to lighten up and I can’t believe she calls herself a progressive. I mean what kind of self-respecting leftie doesn’t rally to the blogcades against police brutally beating unarmed and kneeling teenagers with their batons?

Four Vehicles I have owned:

When I was young I wanted to be a racecar driver and race Top Fuel AA Dragsters. My favourite uncle was a professional drag racer and I spent years in pits hanging out with him over the North American drag circuit. My mother put the kibosh on my taking auto mechanics in high school, and in the end, that was the first blow to killing that dream. I once was a part-owner in a ’72 Corvette fully restored with all original parts, but I never drove that car even though it was kept in my parking spot – all the better to mock me, I guess. I have yet to really learn to drive but my mother did teach me how to start a car with a screwdriver and my Uncle taught me all about colour codes so that I could hot wire a car if needed, but the only country I am licensed to drive a vehicle is in Jamaica. I paid off someone who then delivered a license to me at my home without my ever having to pass a written or driving test. One love, mon.

Four Jobs I have had:

I have had many more jobs than 4 but the one that stands out most in my mind was chambermaid over 30 years ago. I have never hated a job more. For those who wondered what the maid thought of you. Let me say you are correct if you assume that she thinks you are a blight on civilization for your downright, nasty, dirty, disgusting ways. Also, it is extremely bad form not to tip the maid and tip her well. And special heads up for all you varsity hockey players out there – tipping the maid does not mean you pick her up and tip her upside down while carrying her screaming from room to room.

Laura Secord Counter Clerk. My mother was so happy that I went from chambermaid to Laura Secord’s counter clerk that she use to come into the mall where I worked and drink coffee on the bench directly in front of the store so she could watch me work in a an apron. She has kept every one of my Laura Secord aprons.

Lumber broker for lumber company based out of Montreal. I was the most pathetic lumber salesperson of all time but I did get calls from men all over the province of New Brunswick wanting to chat. I still can remember all kinds of weird little facts about lumber like tongue and groove, and what it is used for.


Law Clerk. That job almost tied with being a maid as the most loathed job ever but only rates second because I was compensated with a neat character reference from a sitting justice. The worse part of being a criminal law clerk was that I worked for criminal defense lawyers. Under their guidance I have developed two distinct theories. Everyone who is charged with a crime is either guilty or so stupid that they should be considered guilty just for being terminally stupid and the only appreciable difference between defense counsel and their clients is that some (not all) lawyers dress better.

Bathtub salesperson. I really liked this job. Not only did it pay well it was also a great way for a single woman new to the city to meet men. Within one month I was the top bathtub salesperson for the company and the owner wanted me to move in with him, but I think I had an unfair advantage over the guys in the shop because (unlike them) I use to climb in the display tubs and give demonstrations.

Four Places I have lived

The lower Mirmachi was my first home and I hope my last one. The Laurentians is where I had my first boyfriend and first kiss. His name was Pierre and he was six while I was a very impressionable 3 year-old. Believe it or not, I use to live in Ted Kennedy country, where in retrospect, it is not so surprising that it was also the place where I had my first experience with torture - courtesy of the landlord’s psychotic 13th year old son named Gary. I can still remember the little bastard clearly in my mind. I once endured a few years of teenage angst in the Octoberfest Capital of Canada where my politics teacher openly admitted to having flown with the Luftwaffe. Needless to say, I couldn’t get out of town fast enough. I think my second favourite place in all of Canada is Quebec City. I have never actually lived there but I spent many winters at Carnival and I always wanted a honeymoon in the old City – instead, I always end up going to the Caribbean.

Currently, I reside in the last level of Dante’s Hell aka Toronto, and no, I am not going to tell anyone what kind of sinners resided in the last level of Dante’s Divine Comedy – go read the book and then take the test and see where you fit in.

Four Vacations

I have been a widow with three children longer than I can bear to remember so I don’t take vacations. Instead, I am going to turn it around and say the four places I want to see before I die.

Israel – I promised my grandfather before a series of mini-cluster strokes destroyed his memory that I would one day say a prayer for him at the Kotel, and I promised the Last Amazon a trip to Israel as her graduation present. Never let it be said that I don’t keep my promises - though I may tarry. The trip is on in 20 months come hell or high water – I know because the Last Amazon is counting. Never let it be said that the Last Amazon is not prepared. She is already collecting a list of nightclubs and shopping malls she wants to visit but I want to see the rocks, pray at the Kotel and go to the Israel-Lebanon border so I can moon Hezbollah in a “fart on your beards, you bastards” kind of way. I don’t care, go ahead and call me a vengeful bitch, I won’t cry.

Argentina – I really think this place has it going on with everything except its politics, but hey, I came of age in Trudeaupia and I still made it to middle age - and so I ask; what more does a country need other than mountains, snow, trees, tropics, beaches, plains, heavenly cuisine and TANGO CLUBS with MEN WHO ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO DANCE.

Italy: specifically Venice & Rome – In my youthful ignorance, I thought the Bridge of Sighs was just a literary allusion. Now I have pictures of it everywhere in my home. It reminds of a metaphor for life. When Venice was led by the Doge, prisoners were taken from his palace court through a covered bridge that spanned the canal into the prison. The bridge has only two tiny slits where one can peek one last time at the sky. It is said that one could hear the mournful sighs of the prisoners as they took their last glimpse of freedom before entering the prison. In my mind, it seems entirely fitting that the Venetians built a prison beside a palace. And Rome, because I want to stand in the only spot in the world where Julius Caesar actually fell.


New Orleans – I hear there’s a drink waiting for me. It’s been waiting for 25 years but my Jamaican relatives tell that me rum keeps and only grows more potent with age. Besides, I seem to have a fascination with places where the both sacred and the profane can co-exist beside each other and New Orleans fits the bill.

Update:

Geez Zerb, you did not get the full weird 4 meme straight and now you've led me down the wrong blogpath after you. I have been tagged by Tel-Chai Nation who has since set me straight and since he got the full meme I will update the missing 4's without tagging any other poor sod, so this baby can die.

Four television shows I watch:Now the problem I have is that I don’t actually watch television per say. I will watch television series on demand on the movie channel (I just finished watching Rome last weekend) and I do watch DVD television but commercials and most television schedules bore me. That said, I have watched Stargate and Battlestar Galactica with Montana, Futurama with Isaiah Sender, and the Buffy & Angel series with the Last Amazon.

Four movies I would watch over and over.The problem is there are very few movies I actually like well enough to watch over and over again, but I have watched Master & Commander, the Sharpe Series (even though the production values are poor and the dialogue leaves much to be desired but I am a sucker for a rifleman), I Claudius, Horatio Hornblower and Firefly repeatedly. One movie, four television series.

Four places I would rather be right now. The hard part is that for a place to have meaning for me I have to connect it with the people that I love. Most of those I loved dearly are dead and the only place I can think of that I would rather be than where I am now; is to be with my mother in the last homey house on the road.

Four favourite foods: Pizza – all kinds and any variation. Laktes and pieogi; what’s not to love? Besides I cannot resist anything with sour cream and it’s the comfort food I grew up eating. Ditto for Halavah and chocolate – often together.

Four websites I visit daily. That’s a tough one because my favourites vary depending on time, my mood, and what is going on in the world. There are really too many to list and I won’t play favourites as my blogroll is long for a reason.

This meme dies with me.